aphorism v (Sympathy for Stasis)

Ignorance proves indispensable when indulging indignation.

aphorism xiv (On the Past)

Create a legend, destroy something great.

aphorism iii (Golden Geese)

Don't murder people you can rob.

aphorism ii (Justice's Blindness)

An eye for an eye profits ophthalmologists.

aphorism i (On Programming)

Outlawing mankind takes more than Boole.

aphorism xlii(The Conduct of Properly Objective Observers)

They believe nothing and its opposite.

aphorism cclxii (The Comedian's Paradox)

Learn to be miserable with regularity.

Fourth Fair

We used to be like that. Look at them. She’s blushing or possibly swelling or something. Maybe she’s just choking. That would explain the resuscitation. Were we like that? No, wait, it’s coming back to me… never mind. Too long ago, I suppose. Now we really just have to fend for ourselves. We used to think the world was made for us, and look where that got us! No. We used to do so many things together. Remember that? No, of course not. What was that called – you know, we usually just popped in uninvited. I think it had an “O” in it.

Third Fair

For you, anything. Did you read that poem from this morning? One of her best poems that doesn’t have to do with fish. They serve fish for brunch there, right? Had some kippers for breakfast; still hungry, though; ought to get some flowers. A guy I knew from the realty service runs one. His son’s there too, lost his dentistry license for malpractice on some guy’s bridge. No, you’re fine. Who’ll notice? No, you’re qualified. You’ve filed before, you can type well and you know Excel, I can totally get you a position. Is that a new shirt? You sure?

Second Fair

I reserved a table, it being brunch and all. Hope you can make it. I asked for a seat by the windowsill with the flowers. I should have been more specific – otherwise they’ll leave us just outside. Crap, it might rain, too. I bought that book you suggested… something about dying from epilepsy? No, don’t. No. My makeup will be ruined, and I have an interview. I don’t think I can keep working at that tollbooth. I lied to my roommate again. I don’t like this; lucky she’s a boarder. She’ll move out when the term ends.

Observations on Leonardo (2)

Personally, I find something much more spiritually fulfilling in Leonardo’s androgyny, of lover and beloved, and, incidentally, as in his sketches of the parabolic droop of acorns, inconstant grass, sun-bearing trees, he illustrates the paths of motion that normally disappear and reappear with the dictates of time, or, conversely, its modality, he brings the motion, weight, percussion, and force together into optical mastery with no chance of a rival or precedent to impede his mighty ocular capacities, all while he teaches the eye to see and the pulse to infer, by which virtue he becomes artistry itself articulated with life.

aphorism xv (Burning Bright)

A backwards world is only as bad as its asymmetry.

A Response to the Question "What Do You Seek in a Woman?"

Her wit, fits, slit, and tits.

A Response to the Question "What Do You Seek in a Man?"

His defiance, violence, reliance, and silence.

Anonymous Responses to a Survey

1. A pulse.
2. My blood type.
3. Neurosis.
4. Psychosis.
5. Rachmaninoff or Patti Smith
6. Everything.
7. Everything.
8. Ambivalence.
9. Misanthropy.
10. Martin Luther.
11. Empress Wu.
12. Birds that swim.
13. People flying.

A Survey

1. What do you seek in a spouse?
2. What do you seek in a friend?
3. What features do you find attractive in members of the same sex?
4. What features do you find attractive in members of the opposite sex?
5. Your favorite musician or composer.
6. What do you hate most about spring?
7. What do you like most about spring?
8. What is your favorite anxiety?
9. What is your favorite hatred?
10. What is your least favorite admiration?
11. What is your least favorite obsession?
12. Your vision of freedom.
13. Your vision of horror.

A Taxonomist

I’ve spent my life studying microorganisms, and I can tell you conclusively why viruses are not alive. How would you define life? That’s a possibility, but those attributes extend to corpses. The four criteria I use for discerning living beings from the unloving are that they eat, shit, fuck and die. Viruses consume nothing, they just destroy; they don’t metabolize, so they don’t properly shit; they hijack other beings for reproduction, not reproducing themselves, you see; and they don’t die. I’ll explain. In order to immobilize viral pathogens, you have to completely destroy it, or else it will still reproduce.

The Conspirator's Lament

My evening, my peace, O! Let me write from the well of your eye whose temple posts harsh beacons from far. I weep through you, I tremble you; your autumnal hair breathes on my chest! The hounds of love attend you almost loyally, ever unclean, heavy of heart. I yearn for your corruption. Your veil warms me to the viscera. My birthright, the land of my grandfathers, drags me by the hair to the baseness of virtue, the quotidian probity of the insipid spirit. Desecrate me, Beloved! Guide me, O my vernal lodestar! Would that night could trace the heart!

The Traitor's Lament

Kingdoms strike me as the domains of homebodies. Regard – these allies of mine, these equals of mine, these enemies of my enemies, printing themselves into the ground like the sheaves of grain that thrive upon fuming stubble of the field. Amid the fray, I formerly had thought they bled with molten bronze, and wept lava. This dust is heavy with smoke and thunder, and yet it pierces like the unseen miasma. Immolated Spring is come to us! Men-of-war, come to us from everywhere the sinews hasten, for we serve Enmity! I often consider a world where foes were never born…

The Dew Is Gone

The wind goes on and the dew is gone
While we shield our eyes from day.
Alas, alas, since all things pass
Let’s roll by Stoner’s Way
Let’s roll by Stoner’s Way.

Chorus:
Pass that joint this way
Yeah, yeah, yeah, brilliant!
Don’t be an arsehole
Yeah, yeah, yeah, brilliant!

Feck the cops, pull out the stops
You know the reason why
I lost my job to some limp-dick yob
Potheads need not apply
Potheads need not apply.

You ought to avoid going paranoid
And to keep a steady head
If time allows, you big girl’s blouse,
We’ll all watch “Evil Dead”
We’ll all watch “Evil Dead.”

The wind goes on and the dew is gone
While we shield our eyes from day.
Alas, alas, since all things pass
Let’s roll by Stoner’s Way
Let’s roll by Stoner’s Way.

The Emperor's Lament

I carried continents - even upon my sinews - saved the lives of the many from the tyranny of famished minds, spread so many souls across the vast expanse, and yet they jail their liberator! The loyalty of comrades costs less dear than hope expects, and the jingling handfuls, the clinks and glare, of gold has a strength all its own – but no! The weak harbor a species of lust, a lust for golden mediocrity, and they conspire so, that they may betray themselves and all their lives to couple with glittering clods. Who among them shall reign, I wonder.

It's My Manner of Being Alone

I suppose I get my ideas in three major ways: primarily, I imagine that I am the villain of somebody else’s story, or some character or other apart from the protagonist (like a forgotten girlfriend, or some oblivious perpetrator) and I frame a story around that personage, or, alternatively, I might find the neglected figure in a painting, song, filmstrip, opera, or textbook and justify their insignificance, and if none of those work, then I just imagine the least talented of my colleagues and the biggest failures that I know, and I desecrate their graves with irony and hygiene products.

January

The night just spread some frost onto my window, and, while I wasn’t looking, it clogged a pipe with who-knows-what. I went outside and my hands rushed me back into the house. The cold felt nettling, a rude handshake from an inconsiderate host. June isn’t coming for months. Only a fortnight or two into winter and already I’m sick of it. My neighbor’s dog stays in at night, and I rethink how I thought it was bad before… I got my winter clothing out of the box. It still feels weird to dress up indoors; I really should’ve washed them.

Observations on Leonardo (1)

Luca told me that he prefers the copies of Leonardo to the originals, saying that the wood and the plaster crack through the ingenuity, tarnished for authenticity, like an old mirror held up to creation, and fortunately his apprentice could capture the verdure present in every word that the master wrote in his journals, treatises, fables, and other manuscripts that he inscribed, inverted, facing the left in the root-brown inking, confusing to many, but clear when held up to a mirror, accepting that writing with such a pen leaves the left-handed at a disadvantage, yet not for engravers or printers.

Introducing: The Poteens

Perfect, sing it exactly like that when we perform. But you, don’t make him look bad. We all know you had extra training. Tone it down and don’t belt, please. Oh, before I forget, I just found out that their piano is all beat up, so we’ll need to set your keyboard to the right setting before we pack everything up. You know that one setting. I thought your keyboard had that one setting. We’ll figure out something, somehow; that new accordion guy we found lives near the place, so he’ll meet us there; I just filled the tank… Okay.

July 15, 12:30-6:30

Get your suit out of the closet; we need to get it dry-cleaned before tomorrow afternoon. I’ll tell you why, young man, because I said so. No, we are not going to a wedding, not since last time. Look, grass stains! What is…? You must be the only little boy who could make grass stains look that bad on a black pair of pants, and now everyone will be able to tell. No, your aunt isn’t coming with us. I told you what happened to your aunt already. Yes, we’re going to see her. Didn’t I tell you what happened?

The Horseman's Daughter

Despite my palm’s quiet semblance, I can assure you that my heart is troubled! My chest is ill at ease. No, thank you, sitting down is proving better for it. I daren’t demonstrate my malaise - oh how gauche! Take Father, exemplis gratia. He exchanges handshakes with levity in his regard, but when he’s at home he behaves as though some weighty care rides behind him. Take that back! and, please, refrain from further haste in judgment; as you will recall, a flask need not boil, but if the substance of its content demands, then the glass may yet fume.

Sunday Meal

Over there is that man who lost his contact last week. Today, he came in with this one woman and they didn’t talk at all. A lot of people were talking, but it was obvious that they weren’t talking about anything at all. She tipped well and then he helped her with the chair. Those chairs will never get replaced; even though they’re bad for the floors, nobody’s going to replace them. The floor doesn’t look so bad from over by the door, but everybody notices. Someday, somebody will walk in who’s too impolite to keep from talking about it.

Serv'd Only to Discover

My great-aunt won't talk to me because I was born under those stars who remind her of the time when she was little and had to go with her cousin on the fishing boat, the slimy, splintering, too tall, pungent one that smelled like a spoon I used to suck on, to be honest, and she told me that, on top, the thing would glow all unholy, that a desecrating light was going to blind them and kill them all unless they prayed to that one saint, you know, the one that was never afraid of any lightning under any sky.

Unveiling

Course, plots endure. They’ll outlast you t’ll the last day when them seals crack op’n. Ceilin’s a-gonna crash in like a cliff made o’earth… Ask Ole Johnny & Zeke, Remy too, they’ll tell you what. Last dusk is a-comin’ to that there whorehouse by th’red light, not too soon neithah. Yessir. Now don’t be lookin’ at me like that, uh-uh, not that half-asleep look; you lissen hyah. Who are you anyway? Hell, what ain’t you? Tell you what, you ain’t no busybody - busybody woulda raked them leaves. Maybe yo daddy was some pile o’leaves that didn’t wanna get raked.